Heaven and Hell...

So it's 1:02am on a wednesday morning...

All I can seem to think about write now is what if I die tomorrow. I started to panic because how would all my online friends on myspace know. I wouldn't want them to think I am ditching them. Then I started to freak because I do not know what death is like. I am scared....

I have no idea why I ahve been thinking about this lately....NO I am not thinking of suicide...NOT EVEN CLOSE. I am very happy right now :)...My classes are going great and my life seems to be awsome.

I have been around death before, Lucas my cousin and when I did co-op at the hospital. I know this may seem weird but I have been always scared and fasanated with death.

I was kinda thinking if I died today what would people say about me? What kind of Legacy would I leave behind? If I were to leave one at all...

I have been to "Hell" before...

It was called Dufferin. Don't get my wrong I had some amazing friends there, but for most of it I was bullied, harrased and I it hurt. Sometimes I would call home sick and my aunt would come pick me up. I was going to leave school in grade 7 or 8 but the teacher convinced me not to because I could get my grades back up...HELLO? I was being bullied, why do you think my marks started slipping? Why I skipped so much school?. I told teacher's...ya a "Talk" was all the bullies got. That really helped thanx...

Then highschool in my hometown which I had to admit was much better. I met knew people I became friends with them. I was liked.

Without them I don't think I would be were I am today...I am so thankful for them everyday.

Then I moved..started new were nobody new me...That's were my "Heaven" started. I was accepted by wide ranges of people in alot of different groups. here were still the populars, jocks and so on...Everybody says you want to be in the middle group so you are not low or high. I was in the middle group...

I met some amazing friends that now know about my past. But they accepted me for who I am. They made me better. I used to look down when I walk. I still do sometimes but know I can hold my head up high :)

If I kept in grade school and did not reach out for help...I don't want to know where I would be.

I know it still hurts...It's not something you can just get over.

I remember everything that was said and done to me...and who did it.

I could give you a list right now...but I guesse that wouldn't be far to the ones who did it to me...

One time they even turned one of my own friends aganist me...

I don't know where this is coming from or why I have said this...

My Heaven and Hell,
Madissen